![]() Detecting the Ultimate Power in the Universe with LSST (2017).On the Impossibility of Supersized Machines (2017).A Neural Networks Approach to Predicting How Things Might Have Turned Out Had I Mustered the Nerve to Ask Barry Cottonfield to the Junior Prom Back in 1997 (2017).Stopping GAN Violence: Generative Unadversarial Networks (2017).SET-E: The Search for Extraterrestrial Environmentalism (2016).An unexpected new explanation of seasonality in suicide attempts: Grey’s Anatomy broadcasting (2016).Astrology in the Era of Exoplanets (2016).Beyond the New Horizon: The Future of Pluto (2015).Bayesian Prediction for The Winds of Winter (2014).The CMB flexes its BICEPs while walking the Planck (2014).A Necro-Biological Explanation for the Fermi Paradox (2014).Empirical Limits on the Russell Conjecture (2013). ![]() ![]() Conspiratorial cosmology - the case against the Universe (2013).Unidentified Moving Objects in Next Generation Time Domain Surveys (2013).A search for direct heffalon production using the ATLAS and CMS experiments at the Large Hadron Collider (2013).Possible Bubbles of Spacetime Curvature in the South Pacific (2012).Non-detection of the Tooth Fairy at Optical Wavelengths (2012).On the Ratio of Circumference to Diameter for the Largest Observable Circles: An Empirical Approach (2012).On the influence of the Illuminati in astronomical adaptive optics (2012).Non-standard morphological relic patterns in the cosmic microwave background (2011).Orthographic Correlations in Astrophysics (2010).Galaxy Zoo: an unusual new class of galaxy cluster (2009).Time variation of a fundamental dimensionless constant (2009).On the Utter Irrelevance of LPL Graduate Students: An Unbiased Survey by Steward Observatory Graduate Students (2002).Superiority of the Lunar and Planetary Laboratory (LPL) over Steward Observatory (SO) at the University of Arizona (2002).What I have here is the most comprehensive list of arXiv joke papers I know about. Most of them are submitted around April Fool’s Day (April 1). Note to Readers: Keep in mind, it is April 1.ArXiv has a long-standing tradition of accepting occasional joke submissions - papers that are written in the normal scientific style but are written to be entertaining, not necessarily to describe a real piece of science. The proposal calls for a bar/dining area that seats 150 and features a tasting room and a modified parking space for Smith’s smaller craft, which has been described by the increasingly agitated staffer as looking “like a stupid old wok lid.” “If they aren’t returned in good condition April 1, the deal’s completely off,” the staffer said. There’s also the matter of Smith promising to return five county residents and several tourists from Oconomowoc, Wisconsin, who were last seen getting sucked up into the mother ship that he occasionally uses. Chaffee County has changed a lot recently, but I can’t think of anyone – old-timers or new arrivals – who’s gonna wanna have anything to do with that. And that would be okay if they had something like locally crafted cocktails or a decent IPA and maybe a panini menu with local goat cheese or something, but no, it’s just this… this… I don’t know what it is. He wants to serve up some kind of primordial ooze and charge a boatload for it. “Look, staff has gone over this thing with the Health Department a zillion times,” he said, “and Smith isn’t hearing us. ![]() The staffer who had grimaced previously in the story said that Smith has one idea why he may not be well received, but actually, the situation has more to do with the fare proposed for the bar and grill. And finally, that’s what we’re going to do.” Smith said the groups were planning to meet in person and that he has been advised to mask up all five of his heads. “So it’s not like we can’t get here and sit down and talk. “But honestly, we use wormholes and all that anti-gravitational tech stuff to get here in a jiffy – in less time than it takes for the average governmental Zoom meeting,” he said. Smith then confided to the AVV that he spends at least part of his winters about a light-year past the Helix Nebula, and he suspects that’s the problem. Part of his bar and grill proposal is a parking space for his large metallic vehicle, which is seen here looming in front of the Sawatch Range. Bob Smith plans to address the Planning Commission and Health Department April 1. ![]()
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